I’ve spent the last few days hemming and hawing about whether or not I want to make a New Year’s Resolution.
On the one hand, I’m the sort of person that won’t get a goddamn thing done, ever, if I’m expected to self-motivate. An arbitrary deadline is literally the only thing that gets any results out of yours truly. I’ve seen it proven time and time again, and as much as I’d like to just wake up one morning and be the kind of person who simply Does Things For Their Own Good, it’s been nearly 29 years and that just doesn’t look like a switch that I have the power to flip. But a New Year’s Resolution, that’s an excuse to hold myself accountable in a way that I otherwise just won’t bother to do.
But on the other hand, adding Yet Another Thing to my list is a surefire way to increase my day-to-day anxiety, cause me to beat myself up when I inevitably fall behind the stupid arbitrary schedule I’ve set for no good reason, and ultimately end up completely and totally miserable when I fail at a goal that I only sort of wanted to do in the first place.
And this happens to me every year. Every year, I go back and forth for at least a week about whether I should make a Resolution, or just…I don’t know, be a better person without it needing to be attached to a holiday or the calendar?
I’ve decided that this year, instead of coming up with a New Year’s Resolution, I’m going to set a few “intentions” for the year. Think of them as mini-resolutions, if you like- the important part is that they’re things that I actually want to do, not things that I feel like I have to do to “build character” or whatever.
So, here are my intentions for 2021:
Bye Bye, Anxiety
I say this every year, but every year it gets a little closer to reality. Through a strategic deployment of cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, white wine, and strong-arming it through panic attacks while screaming along to Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, I’ve kiiiiiiiind of gotten to a place where I feel like my anxiety is occasionally grabbing the steering wheel out of my hands rather than being the one in the driver’s seat. I’m going to try to keep that going for the rest of this year (and my life) and see if maybe, just maybe, I can trick my brain into doing what I want to do for a change.
Spin, Spin, Spin
Last year was a weird year for my level of physical fitness- I was either on top of shit and busting ass every day, or else I was laying motionless in a pile of empty Taco Bell wrappers. Literally zero in-between. This year, I’m going to try to stay on top of shit the whole time. Hello, Spin Bike- nice to see you again. Sorry I’ve been so distant. We’re going to be best buddies in 2021, don’t you worry.
Just Write The Goddamn Book Already
In 2020, I went from having one mostly-written-but-still-unfinished-novel hanging over my head to having TWO mostly-written-but-still-unfinished-novels hanging over my head. It’s sooooo much worse, and I’ve decided that I’m not going to stand for it. Come hell or high water, I’m finishing a novel this year even if it literally kills me.
And I guess that’s my 2021 laid out- I’ll keep you posted!