Wedding Bells, Wedding Blues

As I’ve mentioned before, trying to plan a wedding during a global pandemic is a special kind of pain in the ass.

Around every corner is another unexpected obstacle. The bridal salons are closed, so no dress fittings. The bakery showrooms are closed, so no cake tastings. Don’t order anything with the wedding date on it, in case it needs to be changed. But don’t wait too long to order anything with the wedding date on it, because it takes a month and a half for packages to ship. The marriage bureaus are closed, so good luck getting a marriage license in the first place. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

The latest twist of fate has forced my fiancé and me to join the ranks of quarantine couples having “micro-ceremonies” instead of proper weddings. Have you heard about these? Basically it’s just the bridal couple, their officiant, and the minimum number of legal witnesses, standing six feet apart from one another, hoping to sneak in a few nice photos before getting told off for not wearing a mask. More of an elopement than a wedding, for all intents and purposes. It’s the hot new thing all over Instagram, and the reality of the global situation is that if getting married in 2020 is at all important to you, that’s the kind of wedding you’ll probably end up having.

Even so, I won’t pretend it was an easy decision to go micro. Even though seemingly every higher power in the known universe was pushing us toward this outcome, it’s tough to abandon a plan that you’ve been working on for almost a full calendar year. Even though we knew putting off the big celebration with all of our loved ones was the safe, responsible, and correct thing to do, it still feels to some degree like admitting defeat. Alright, Universe, you win. We’re licked. Take the wedding from us, we can’t stop you.

But that’s looking on the gloomy side, which isn’t the mindset you want to have going into your own wedding. So instead of wallowing in despair over the whims of cruel fate, which we’re all doing quite enough of these days, I’m deciding instead to take a walk on the sunny side of the street.

I invite you to come along with me, and think of some of the positive aspects of jumping onto the micro-ceremony bandwagon. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Less Stress
Anyone can tell you that the more moving parts involved in any undertaking, the more tiny little things you’ll find to worry about. Planning a wedding is no shortage of moving parts, but a lot of them fall by the wayside when you downsize the ceremony. Cutting a list of roughly 50 moving parts down to about 6 certainly takes some of the edge off.

No Babysitting
As Sartre said, Hell is other people. I love my family and friends as much as the next girl, but like any sensible person I’ve been lowkey wondering which relative was going to get thrown off the property for getting too drunk or starting an argument with their sister or asking one too many times when we’re going to have a baby. Not having to worry about managing everyone else’s behavior on my wedding day? Huge plus.

True Intimacy
A lot of people, in my observation, tend to focus more on the event of the wedding than the idea of a marriage. Yes, this is the blending of two families and should be commemorated by everyone involved. But it’s also, much more importantly, the joining of just two lives. At the end of the day, this is really just about the bride and the groom. And if we’re essentially the only two people at the event, that certainly makes sure we won’t forget it.

I’ll close with some encouraging words to anyone else (or any millennials, at least) trying to weather this same storm: “I see you. Big oof.”

Author: Bryanna Doe

Author, storyteller, comedian, songwriter.

6 thoughts on “Wedding Bells, Wedding Blues”

  1. My lack of understanding of “big oof” aside, I took the liberty of delving into Sartre (https://yourstory.com/2017/06/jean-paul-sartre-philosophy-existentialism-freedom) to get a better handle on your point of view. If you believe in Sartre but not in G-d, you are apparently fine with doing as you wish. You certainly cited some good reasons for moving ahead with your wedding plan devoid of loved ones. If you do believe in G-d, you’d understand that you are not only marrying your fiance but you are in a sense “marrying” his family as he “marries” yours, forever uniting the two families in a bond. That being the case, do you really wish to begin your marriage without the families there to witness and celebrate the occasion as well as to meet each other? Why do you feel such an urgency to get married in 2020 rather than wait for a hopefully COVID-19 free 2021? Are the obstacles you mentioned not challenging enough to make you reconsider your choice? It’s not a question of “admitting defeat” but rather an opportunity to examine the situation from a logical perspective. With the pros on one side and the cons on the other, are you saying that there are factors more important to you than G-d and family? Even so, what’s the hurry?

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      1. It’s just that we got our hearts set on that date, we’ve been very much looking forward to it, and the idea of now not being married by the time we intended is unbearable to us.

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  2. Hope2020: Bryanna and Max have put in a ton of effort for their wedding. Why let the effort go to waste? I have a few friends who are still going forward with their respective weddings, why do you think it’s disrespectful to want to be married to their loved one…especially during this pandemic. Everyday we hear or see news how people have lost their loved ones why wait? If this pandemic taught us anything its the value of being with the one who can ride out anything together. They passed that test and want to be together. Who are we to stop them. I, for one thing will wish them well and am eager to hear their wedding plans because i know how they love each other. Just be happy for them

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