I’m going to be honest here: I don’t have anything to write about apart from COVID-19, and I’m just as tired of writing about it as you all are of reading about it.
I literally have nothing to say about the past week. Nothing happened. I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t see anyone. I didn’t have any insights about the world or the human condition that feel worth mentioning.
No, all I did this week was all I ever do anymore: worry about various things directly or tangentially connected to the pandemic and the quarantine order we’re living under.
Are we even allowed to do anything else?
I said recently that it was hard to find something to write about when I was so consumed by wedding planning, and someone helpfully suggested that I embrace that and start blogging freely about the wedding planning experience.
Unfortunately, what once sounded like an elegant solution to distraction and/or writer’s block is now an avenue closed to me entirely. I don’t think I could manage to write a post about wedding planning right now even if someone had a gun to my head.
And yes, it’s again because of COVID-19.
I currently exist in a stressful and infuriating limbo where I have no idea if the wedding is going to be able to go ahead as scheduled, or if every bit of effort I’m still putting in on that front is just a new and interesting way to arrange the deck chairs on the Titanic. So obviously, I have zero interest in talking about the wedding these days. And actually, it’s less than zero. I get depressed or pissed off any time I have to think about it. At this point, I have negative interest in the wedding. Active disinterest, really.
Honestly, I think I’ve hit a stage where I have an active disinterest in everything. Nothing that’s supposed to “distract me” or help me “stay positive” seems worth doing. Everything is awful and there’s no end in sight, and that’s just the new normal.
Are you guys staying sane out there? I feel like I’m the only person dealing with quarantine this poorly. Everyone else seems to be content to just chill in their apartments and shoot memes back and forth, while I pretty much constantly feel like I’m going to die. How is everyone else doing it? Are you all just hiding it better?
Whatever you’re all doing to make it through this, I hope it’s working. I hope everyone is coping well and staying safe. I’m definitely not coping whatsoever and I do not feel safe AT ALL, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
So I guess I’ll close by suggesting that if you have a friend with anxiety, or depression, or seasonal affective disorder, or who was trying to plan something for later in the spring/summer, or already had to cancel something they were looking forward to, or who has been spamming your Facebook timeline with a few too coronavirus many news articles, you should check in on them. I would assume that they’re not okay, based on my personal experience of sure as shit not being okay right now.