I’m going to be honest here: I don’t have anything to write about apart from COVID-19, and I’m just as tired of writing about it as you all are of reading about it.
I literally have nothing to say about the past week. Nothing happened. I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t see anyone. I didn’t have any insights about the world or the human condition that feel worth mentioning.
No, all I did this week was all I ever do anymore: worry about various things directly or tangentially connected to the pandemic and the quarantine order we’re living under.
Are we even allowed to do anything else?
I said recently that it was hard to find something to write about when I was so consumed by wedding planning, and someone helpfully suggested that I embrace that and start blogging freely about the wedding planning experience.
Unfortunately, what once sounded like an elegant solution to distraction and/or writer’s block is now an avenue closed to me entirely. I don’t think I could manage to write a post about wedding planning right now even if someone had a gun to my head.
And yes, it’s again because of COVID-19.
I currently exist in a stressful and infuriating limbo where I have no idea if the wedding is going to be able to go ahead as scheduled, or if every bit of effort I’m still putting in on that front is just a new and interesting way to arrange the deck chairs on the Titanic. So obviously, I have zero interest in talking about the wedding these days. And actually, it’s less than zero. I get depressed or pissed off any time I have to think about it. At this point, I have negative interest in the wedding. Active disinterest, really.
Honestly, I think I’ve hit a stage where I have an active disinterest in everything. Nothing that’s supposed to “distract me” or help me “stay positive” seems worth doing. Everything is awful and there’s no end in sight, and that’s just the new normal.
Are you guys staying sane out there? I feel like I’m the only person dealing with quarantine this poorly. Everyone else seems to be content to just chill in their apartments and shoot memes back and forth, while I pretty much constantly feel like I’m going to die. How is everyone else doing it? Are you all just hiding it better?
Whatever you’re all doing to make it through this, I hope it’s working. I hope everyone is coping well and staying safe. I’m definitely not coping whatsoever and I do not feel safe AT ALL, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
So I guess I’ll close by suggesting that if you have a friend with anxiety, or depression, or seasonal affective disorder, or who was trying to plan something for later in the spring/summer, or already had to cancel something they were looking forward to, or who has been spamming your Facebook timeline with a few too coronavirus many news articles, you should check in on them. I would assume that they’re not okay, based on my personal experience of sure as shit not being okay right now.
That Type of Girl 
Sorry your life feels so bleak right now. Chances are excellent that you’ll survive but the question remains what will you do until this COVID 19 pandemic resolves itself? Think about historical events that have troubled mankind. You and I may not have lived through them all but others have and in so doing, have produced some of the best writing the world has ever seen. This is not to say that the writers were not anxious, afraid or demoralized. They may well have been all three but they did not let that stop them from writing with eloquence, passion and conviction. They reached down into their innermost selves and found emotions with which to animate historical events like the Revolutionary War, Slavery, the Civil War, W.W. I and II, the Holocaust, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the Spanish Influenza epidemic, 9/11 and Hurricane Sandy, to mention a few. You are thankfully in a better place than most. You have completed your formal education, are blessed with intelligence and a man with whom you have decided to spend your life. If the wedding takes place as scheduled, great! If it should be delayed due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control, it will prove that it was worth the wait. It may be a wonderful anecdote someday. For now, just practice your deep breathing and stretching exercises. Go for a long walk in the sunshine and fresh air with your fiance. Catch up on some pleasure reading, Netflix binges, as yet unseen DVD’s. Listen to music; sing and dance along with it if you’d like. Try out a new recipe or go through your stuff, making a pile to donate to charity. Call some older friends, neighbors, relatives just to touch base and let them know they’re on your mind. Sit down with your keyboard and get your thoughts/feelings on paper. What are you feeling? Why are you feeling this way? How has this seemingly unbearable situation offered you an opportunity of sorts to do things for which you generally don’t have the time? If you need a bit of professional help with anxiety, there are a number of mental health experts who are offering their online assistance gratis during this time of need. Just Google and you will find people to call. Be thankful you are physically healthy, keep your distance from others and keep your faith in G-d or whichever higher power gives you strength. I wish you the best of luck with your writing. It may someday serve to give hope to others as they are challenged in the future by similar obstacles to their sense of well-being.
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